FUCKaBOY, She’s Back to Black
To all the bad biddies who have been there and done that - thanks to THAT man (iykyk)
I’ve come to know three types…
The walking green flags of the so-called healthy man (I find their kindness and stability offensive, and they never fail to remind me of my many red flags)
Neurotic and possessive men, you know, the type that cling to your knees and shower you with undying affection (why do I find them appealing)
And last but surely least, an undateable type of man. One so detached and cold - yet not “that” lonely. (the guy that calls me friend but keeps me closer sleeps in a bed of lies and doesn’t seem to give a fuck)
It began with my addiction to anything that distracts me from the fact that I exist…this fall’s how-to was bagging a skater boyfriend. According to Google, First- talk to his friends. Before you jump to any conclusions, it might sound crazy, but you come to rely on Google after enough ink has gone wasted overthinking your crush - except I didn’t speak their language sooo your girl had to improvise. I scouted and scanned, cast a spell on a man, and picked a place to sit while I waited and watched the magic bewitch – I promise it works every time.
Tell me why I’m blogging one glass in on half a chocolate bar paired with an unhinged urge to plot my murder and blame a man all for the sake of my sanity… #GoneGirl
Anyway, there’s something about butterflies and delusions when having a crush. As we all know, Men fall in love with their eyes…so my spell did just the job. There’s pleasure in being young, beautiful, and alluring. It entices mystery and secrecy, two things one can never deny, especially a man. Now do not forget I had my intentions from the start so maybe I knew what I was doing or maybe not. Either way, he fell for it. And as predictable as it is, so did I. They say women fall in love with their ears, and this man’s English native tongue got me good. - I know it sounds stupid, but try moving to a new country technically a virgin…your principles shift.
The story is fortunately short.
Once upon a mistake, a fine-ass woman let a player with a skateboard pick her up for a date. He made no effort to get to know her and took her on his motorcycle, which she then managed to fuck up after it fell on him. She projected BIG tease energy but eventually mindlessly bowed down under pressure into a new game of play. She was simply “having fun” until baby girl thought she wanted a situation-ship with this man. Oblivious to HIS intentions and forgetting HERS. The communication was vague, the hangouts were cute, then a pull-away period took effect, boundaries were crossed, and fifty more cards were drawn. Haven’t you heard? The house always wins.
I blame maturing and becoming this creature of desire who feens on distractions to just exist in the adult world and all its BS. I have this love-hate awareness with myself. It gets exhausting being self-aware and mentally ill. Not only do I know when I’m being self-destructive, I watch myself indulge while my subconscious screams at me. I’ve been depressed more times than I can count, yet experienced enough happiness to still be alive… I’m at a point where life is an endless loop of BORING. I’m this 23-year-old who’s horny all the time, depressed one day, delulu the next, and attempting to keep up with hobbies. Like, idk… dating just to tease a boy. But I guess that’s just the twenty-somethings, right?
The male species IS my toxic pattern and having the awareness is supposed to help but it only drives me more insane. This time around I obliviously failed to realize I don’t ACTUALLY catch feelings. I just get too attached and obsess too much inevitably leaving me sad when they dip—making room for the toxic blank space of yet another emotionally unavailable man who distracts me enough to wipe my memory clean of the one before.
So THANK YOU fuckboy for deleting Mr. Nobody and doing me the favor of being a complete ass consequently making me more aware…🙄.
On the bright side, I checked off my desire to ride on a man’s bike in Europe hehe off to buy my own now ;)
So like now my hair is back to black, the femme fatale era is now, and we’re just in time for the winter season of woe. I need my friend Disgust to do her thing - @insideout - keeping me from being poisoned physically and socially by a man ever again. YUCK.
I always forget what a vain attempt it is to let them be one of my distractions when life gets boring.
ps stop wasting the best boob years of your life, embody an irresistible allure, sleep in those sexy pajamas, cast those spells, and for the love of witches everywhere just hurt THAT damn boy’s feelings.
k. <3
